The Black Agnostic
HomeAbout UsArticlesContact UsYour InputPartner Links

I'd Rather Date a Criminal
Sometimes it seams within the black community, a criminal have a better shot at getting a date than an agnostic or atheist 
By: Waleed Shareef 11/7/2015
I will begin this article by describing myself. I am a middle aged black man with a six figure income. I am told that I dress well and I drive a convertible luxury car. I do not have a criminal record and I was raised in a home that taught me how to hold doors open for the ladies and conduct myself as an old school gentlemen. I outlined this not to brag on myself but to highlight how silly it is that although all of these things could be true about myself, I am still less date-able in many circles within the black community than a felon because I am not a “God fearing man.” I could expound upon my view of the phrase God-fearing, but you can read that in my other article called Churchy Phrases.

I recall one time when I had myself listed on a dating website, a woman had read my description and thought enough of me to reach out to me. After a brief conversation, she asked me about my religious affiliation. I do not lie about my beliefs, so I told her that I was agnostic. With a certain amount of surprise, she then told me that she could not date me because she could not consider getting into a relationship with someone that did not have a relationship with God. The interesting thing about this is that I have often spoken to women who told me about their less than positive dating experiences with ex-convicts and felons, but they felt it was okay to date them because they “were in the church”. So therefore, although they were criminals, they at least made it past the initial introduction to actually get into a relationship. I on the other hand, was verbally castrated upon our first conversation.

According to a 2006 Gallup poll, 85% of blacks consider religion very important to them, which is the highest of all racial groups. Therefore, when dating a black woman, you have a 15% chance of finding a black woman who does not feel that religion is “very important.” It can then be surmised that as an agnostic or atheist man, if you were to reach out to someone who felt that religion was very important, trying to explain to them that you are agnostic would and have elicited a very negative response. I find it surprising when I consider that as blacks, we still struggle at the bottom of the economic ladder within America. Therefore, if we are the most religious race in America, shouldn’t we also be the most successful race in America? How do we justify only dating “God-fearing men” when the results that have been produced by this religious society provides ample proof that our religious investments have not been prosperous? In other words if religion truly were a stock on the New York Stock Exchange, at this point I’m sure a wise broker will be recommending that we sell. Similarly, if we only invested as women in dating “God-fearing men”, and these men have not always produced for us, shouldn't we consider other men who might not be religious as well?
In the UK paper The Daily Mail, this 2013 article highlighted a study that examined the relationship between higher IQs and atheism. Scientists have found that people with higher IQs often are atheist, or nonbelievers. So it can be reasoned that if a black woman wanted to find a highly educated intellectual, in other words the type of man that will possibly possess a more significant income, then she will have to include an atheist or an agnostic as a possible suitor. By excluding these groups, the pool of men that can adequately provide for a family could be greatly reduced. Consequently what appears to happen is that black women choose less qualified black men such as the convicts and criminals, rather than “lowering themselves” to dating someone who is not affiliated with any religion.
I have personally experienced being rejected by a woman who possibly will later tell her friends that she cannot find a good qualified black man. I’m quite sure looking at the statistics of black women who have dated black men with criminal backgrounds, this woman was possibly okay with dating negative black men in her past, however I did not warrant a second look. Furthermore, I have met women like her who have dated men simply because they bragged about their positions in the church. Within the black community, being able to claim that you are a pastor, or a deacon, or any other elder of the church often made you the instant voice of credibility and respectability. However as I’ve seen in my church that I attended as a young man where the assistant pastor killed his wife, having a position in the church does not guarantee that you will be a qualified husband.
Black women let me suggest this; if God intended for you to get with an inept man and find yourself stranded in one of America’s housing projects, then maybe it is not God’s will that you are following but your own. Furthermore, it is possible for you to still love and worship God, and yet date a man with different beliefs. I know as an agnostic I am not exactly the voice of credibility to you regarding this; however I still believe that any God worth worshiping would ultimately want you to remain successfully married in a loving, caring and prosperous relationship.